I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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