I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
