Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize