I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
