i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
