He uses pillows to masturbate.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
