This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
