I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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