i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
