my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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