Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
