I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
