"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
