I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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