arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
