I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize