I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
