Ketchup is God's man juice
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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