a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
