He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
