Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
