Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize