he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is Oprah even human
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
