oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
