I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
