Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
