i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
