grandma shit on top of the toilet
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
