Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
