yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
