Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
