No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
