apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
