I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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