Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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