i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
