he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
