But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
