drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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