CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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