I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
