I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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