i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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