Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
