mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
