Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i think i have two assholes
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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