he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
