smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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