Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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