You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
