Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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