my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
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