My friends, they love my intelligence
sarcasm needs its own font
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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