It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
