I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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