OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
