She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize