I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize