Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
