Will you blow on my dice?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
