I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
