and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize