"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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