Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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