Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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