you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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