Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
